I was reminded recently of why there are so many adages about something good coming out of something bad -- "making lemonade out of lemons" or "every cloud has a silver lining" just to name two. Our family encountered an unexpected bump in the road over the past month when Chuck (my husband) became quite ill. Chuck was extremely fortunate to receive a donor kidney last August and had a fairly remarkable and easy recovery from that surgery. But somewhere along the way we now know, with his suppressed immune system, he picked up a common virus -- adenovirus -- which when contracted by a immuno-suppressed individual can be quite serious. (If you don't believe me,
Google it, which I should not have done in the midst of his hospitalization!)
The challenge with this particular virus was that the most common treatment for a patient whose immune system cannot fight the virus off is an antiviral drug that is toxic to kidneys. Like many medical decisions, the ones the army of doctors and our family were faced with were more nuanced and 'art' than science. I have always subscribed to the belief in these situations that the best solution to making important decisions is to get input from the professionals who have the most experience with the situation. Because adenovirus post-kidney transplant is pretty rare, the fantastic team at the University of Vermont did not have a lot of experience with this and even the tests to get more answers had to go to the Mayo Clinic. Through a variety of professional contacts, I was able to connect with one of the(if not 'the') national experts who was based right in Boston at Mass General, Dr. Camille Kotton. Bio here: https://health.usnews.com/doctors/camille-nelson-kotton-221280 What really shocked me was that Dr. Kotton picked up her phone the first time I called and was exceptionally responsive, sympathetic and informed.
*Image is Dr. Kotton from her profile at the link above
Dr. Kotton was definitely our family's silver lining during some very challenging days, our lemonade. But what made our encounter even more special was what she shared with me once the worst of Chuck's medical challenges had passed and I stopped by to drop off a small gift and thank you note. I was deeply moved to learn that she had actually looked up to me as a young woman. She did an internship in the State House at the time of my public service and was gratified to have a female role model serving at a high level in government. As I shared with her, this was particularly music to my ears because a second Google search would reveal that a great deal of my tenure in politics certainly did not make my tour of political service as a high profile working mother look like a walk in the park. At the time and even now I worry about what kind of message that was sending to young women. While I know that sharing those struggles is critical to making sure we force change I also know that if we make it look too painful, others won't follow.
So beyond that this Doctor made me feel like she was literally going to help me save my husband's life, this encounter lifted me up in so many ways. What a great role model she is for my daughters! Every mom (and Dr. Kotton is a mom, too) knows that for the most part our daughters look for a long time to other women as role models. I am luckier than most that I do think my girls have a strong appreciation for my accomplishments but they also have felt deeply the criticisms I encountered as a public official and share their generation's general wariness of politics (this is going to have to be another blog post) so not a single one of them has aspiration for that career. Seeing women like Dr. Kotton pursuing their work dream and presenting a persona of happiness and accomplishment has been shown to be of great importance for young women and other under represented groups to set high aspirations.
Everyone who knows me knows I hate that trite saying that is usually weaponized to bring down women like Dr. Kotton and me: "Having it All." But I would love to coin a new phrase and will call upon my fantastic network out there to help me label these awesome women who are the next generation of women leading lives of purpose and, I hope, happiness. Having been an 'imperfect first' and hearing from Dr. Kotton that it still mattered to her and her peers, I can only imagine what her accomplishments and those of her peers will inspire the next generation of women -- my daughters and their peers -- to do. Doesn't that give you hope on a February morning?
Google it, which I should not have done in the midst of his hospitalization!)
The challenge with this particular virus was that the most common treatment for a patient whose immune system cannot fight the virus off is an antiviral drug that is toxic to kidneys. Like many medical decisions, the ones the army of doctors and our family were faced with were more nuanced and 'art' than science. I have always subscribed to the belief in these situations that the best solution to making important decisions is to get input from the professionals who have the most experience with the situation. Because adenovirus post-kidney transplant is pretty rare, the fantastic team at the University of Vermont did not have a lot of experience with this and even the tests to get more answers had to go to the Mayo Clinic. Through a variety of professional contacts, I was able to connect with one of the(if not 'the') national experts who was based right in Boston at Mass General, Dr. Camille Kotton. Bio here: https://health.usnews.com/doctors/camille-nelson-kotton-221280 What really shocked me was that Dr. Kotton picked up her phone the first time I called and was exceptionally responsive, sympathetic and informed.
*Image is Dr. Kotton from her profile at the link above
Dr. Kotton was definitely our family's silver lining during some very challenging days, our lemonade. But what made our encounter even more special was what she shared with me once the worst of Chuck's medical challenges had passed and I stopped by to drop off a small gift and thank you note. I was deeply moved to learn that she had actually looked up to me as a young woman. She did an internship in the State House at the time of my public service and was gratified to have a female role model serving at a high level in government. As I shared with her, this was particularly music to my ears because a second Google search would reveal that a great deal of my tenure in politics certainly did not make my tour of political service as a high profile working mother look like a walk in the park. At the time and even now I worry about what kind of message that was sending to young women. While I know that sharing those struggles is critical to making sure we force change I also know that if we make it look too painful, others won't follow.
So beyond that this Doctor made me feel like she was literally going to help me save my husband's life, this encounter lifted me up in so many ways. What a great role model she is for my daughters! Every mom (and Dr. Kotton is a mom, too) knows that for the most part our daughters look for a long time to other women as role models. I am luckier than most that I do think my girls have a strong appreciation for my accomplishments but they also have felt deeply the criticisms I encountered as a public official and share their generation's general wariness of politics (this is going to have to be another blog post) so not a single one of them has aspiration for that career. Seeing women like Dr. Kotton pursuing their work dream and presenting a persona of happiness and accomplishment has been shown to be of great importance for young women and other under represented groups to set high aspirations.
Everyone who knows me knows I hate that trite saying that is usually weaponized to bring down women like Dr. Kotton and me: "Having it All." But I would love to coin a new phrase and will call upon my fantastic network out there to help me label these awesome women who are the next generation of women leading lives of purpose and, I hope, happiness. Having been an 'imperfect first' and hearing from Dr. Kotton that it still mattered to her and her peers, I can only imagine what her accomplishments and those of her peers will inspire the next generation of women -- my daughters and their peers -- to do. Doesn't that give you hope on a February morning?
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