Having had a tumultuous and emotional winter of serious illness (Chuck), family loss (death of my dad) and professional transitions (leaving my Executive role at UMA) I took the challenging step of 'giving up' social media for Lent. As a practicing Catholic, alcohol and chocolate/dessert are my go-to lenten offerings. In recent years I have also tried to set a more internal goal around patience, faith, grace, being present. With everything going on this year, I decided that taking myself off social media (Facebook, Twitter, Instagram -- I excused myself from LinkedIn for professional necessity and some may have noticed I was a little more active on that platform than usual) might help me be more present and more reflective. I also knew, truth be told, that I was having some really powerful emotions and while I also did not drink during Lent, even sober I was finding that grief was lifting what little filter I have left.
It has been a really interesting experiment. I discovered a lot. First, I missed Facebook and Twitter more than alcohol. Wow. I missed catching up on news and pictures of friends. My three daughters were pretty surprised that I gave up my 'habit' and eventually impressed I was sticking with it. Somewhere around Leatare Sunday (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Laetare_Sunday) they actually started sharing important news with me (my cousin Carrie's engagement, Pete Buttigieg's best moments on tv). But, second, I also missed the reinforcement of my persona as a person who is popular -- there I said it. Most of us like to think we left 8th grade behind long ago. But being liked is certainly important, almost as much as being loved by family and friends. And I realized that whether it was the never-met "FALs" from Mad Dog Sports radio or others on my social feeds who 'liked' and commented on my pictures and posts that I was getting a lot of joy and enjoyment from that even if it was probably a little vain. What was nice, however, and I don't know if this was a result of the events that drove me to giving up social media (illness, loss, transitions) or the giving it up itself, I found I made more time than ever for real connections with my real-life friends and family. I flew in to meetings early and met my best college friend for a walk along the beach at Torrey Pines, ditto with two besties at the National Zoo in DC.
And lastly, I noticed how much time I spend buried in my phone because of how often I reached for it and couldn't 'go' where I intended. That did result (besides the increased LinkedIn postings) in an epic run on WordStacks.
Lest I disappoint my Social Media "friends" who I am hoping missed my wit and insights, I did start keeping track of the things I was most upset not to be posting about. So here is a mega rundown of social commentary that I would have made over multiple posts on various platforms over the last 40 days:
March Madness: Muffett McGraw; Charles Barkley during March Madness (jack-asses); Foul to end UVA/Auburn game. It is no secret that I love college basketball and March (into April) is my favorite time of the year watching all the college games. There were some great, close games and Charles Barkley has become one of my favorite commentators. But this year I fell for the pissed off diatribe by Muffett McGraw. If you missed it, no worries -- here is a link (with subtitles)!
https://nowthisnews.com/videos/sports/notre-dame-coach-muffet-mcgraw-on-the-gender-gap
What was the most awesome about this, is sometimes my love of sports seems to be at odds with my advocacy for equal opportunities for girls and women (there is a fair bit of misogyny in sports) ... so having Muffett bring it all together was awesome.
And I do kibbitz with the misogynysts .... while also setting aside time for interviews advancing the narrative of equality. Like this one -- which I did kind of cheat by posting on Linked In.
http://features.wgbhnews.org/
The Masters & Tiger, Dad narrative. Not sure a story could capture the many conflicting feelings I have experienced this Lent quite as well as Tiger's epic win at the Masters on Palm Sunday. For most of my life, Sundays meant Mass, then a family meal. When my Dad was first diagnosed with stomach cancer, I remember that in addition to feeling very scared and sad I felt profound gratitude that I had found a way to work from 'home' (meaning the Berkshires/North Adams area) for most of my adult life so that my daughters and I had so many Sundays and days of family time. On Palm Sunday and the final day of the Masters, I found myself back on the farm, and meeting my mom for church. For the first time in weeks, I struggled at Mass missing my Dad. Nothing I could really put my finger on. Then, when arriving home to watch the final day of the Masters, I realized how much I would have loved to watch it with my Dad. And, when Tiger won and he attempted to explain how it felt to share that moment as a Dad, having experienced his first Masters as a son and sharing it with his Dad, well .... yeah, I could relate. And to make it a truly "Swift Family" experience, the most "Swift" of my girls, Lauren, engaged in a heated discussion with me as to whether it was appropriate to route for a (her word) "cheater" and then whether golfers are really high-performance athletes. I suspect she thought I was annoyed at her strongly disagreeing with my (clearly correct) position but actually, it was exactly how I spent so many hours with my Dad. As he would have loved to say, "Time marches on, the circle of life continues ..." or something equally over-stated and epically corny. I could not have guessed how much I would miss those habits which so annoyed me.
Mad Dog & college acceptances/admissions. Speaking of my time spent with the guys and sports .... I do love my addiction to Sirius XM Mad Dog Sports! Mostly I am a "FAL" with the Morning Men but I have been putting a ton of driving miles in lately and that brought the fun afternoon listening to Mad Dog Chris Russo going off on every school that waitlisted or rejected his daughter in a fashion every single parent I know would love to do but probably wouldn't dare! (His daughter is going to Notre Dame in the end so she did just fine! But many tears in process). One of my motivations for being 'off' social media this Lent was that it was the twins Senior Spring. As I have told just about anyone who would listen (in person, of course) -- there are lots of stages where being a mom/parent of twins is actually easier. Senior Year admissions cycle would not be one of them. In the end, both my girls are exceedingly happy with their final choice and didn't have the type of heart-wrenching days and weeks Mad Dog shared and so many of our friends suffered through. But I also can't stand the insufferables. And really hope not to be one. In the shadow of the whole "Varsity Blues" scandal I think all of us who are parents of kids getting great K-12 educations need to take a deep breath and get a little perspective. And that is really what Lent was supposed to be about for me. I did better some days than others.
Hannah B. in Boston & Bachelor Finale(s) I missed blogging with my friends and was thrilled that I was 'recognized' at my real-life friend, Heather's dad's services to be recognized -- by a Bachelor Facebook friend! Can't wait for May 13th and the next season of the Bachelorette, especially knowing there are Boston and New England scenes!
Paul Quinn College President presentation at ASU/GSV. Speaking of colleges and work, I saw a truly transformational college President speak about the work he is doing at a work conference. His goal is to end poverty and he is attacking it at an Historically Black College with some down right counter-cultural initiatives (at least for higher education) -- limiting tuition to 15,000 a year (and therefore limiting the amount families can borrow for college). Putting aside two days a week for work -- because he has "observed that money ends poverty". And much more like that. I hope his plans to scale are successful.
What I found really interesting when I went back to see what I had kept in my notes is that I would absolutely have posted more than seven or eight times over the last forty days but there were only eight or so events that I really felt compelled to address in this mega wrap up. And, it was fascinating to me that while to some these events may seem like a fairly eclectic mish-mash of topics, they actually represent the major themes of what I value in my life. Advancing the opportunities and leveling the playing field for women and girls. My professional work that has been focused on education as the best route to opportunity and the profound impact of higher education in that formula. The continued importance of sports in my life -- for the enjoyment they have always brought to me as a fan, but probably because of the great impact they had on forming my character as a young athlete. And, the healing power of friends even when the connections are around silly reality television, laughter with family and friends really is the best medicine. And the over-arching, seminal importance of family & faith.
Also of interest? As much as I missed Social Media -- I didn't go right back to it on Easter Morning. I posted one (not very good) picture on Instagram and cross posted to FB and Twitter before church. I never looked at Facebook till late this afternoon. I have not yet looked at Twitter. I think partly it is that I have established new patterns. But also I am a little afraid to get sucked back in and lose any grace and perspective I may have gained over these last weeks. Because I can think of as many things about social media that I didn't miss as what I did miss .....
The biggest takeaway from my terrible, awful, challenging winter? I truly am blessed. I have meaningful work, an abundance of family and friends, the most supportive husband, really, really good kids, and a faith that I continue to work on to insure I am grateful for all that I have been given. Because, to those whom much is given, much is expected.
It has been a really interesting experiment. I discovered a lot. First, I missed Facebook and Twitter more than alcohol. Wow. I missed catching up on news and pictures of friends. My three daughters were pretty surprised that I gave up my 'habit' and eventually impressed I was sticking with it. Somewhere around Leatare Sunday (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Laetare_Sunday) they actually started sharing important news with me (my cousin Carrie's engagement, Pete Buttigieg's best moments on tv). But, second, I also missed the reinforcement of my persona as a person who is popular -- there I said it. Most of us like to think we left 8th grade behind long ago. But being liked is certainly important, almost as much as being loved by family and friends. And I realized that whether it was the never-met "FALs" from Mad Dog Sports radio or others on my social feeds who 'liked' and commented on my pictures and posts that I was getting a lot of joy and enjoyment from that even if it was probably a little vain. What was nice, however, and I don't know if this was a result of the events that drove me to giving up social media (illness, loss, transitions) or the giving it up itself, I found I made more time than ever for real connections with my real-life friends and family. I flew in to meetings early and met my best college friend for a walk along the beach at Torrey Pines, ditto with two besties at the National Zoo in DC.
And lastly, I noticed how much time I spend buried in my phone because of how often I reached for it and couldn't 'go' where I intended. That did result (besides the increased LinkedIn postings) in an epic run on WordStacks.
Lest I disappoint my Social Media "friends" who I am hoping missed my wit and insights, I did start keeping track of the things I was most upset not to be posting about. So here is a mega rundown of social commentary that I would have made over multiple posts on various platforms over the last 40 days:
March Madness: Muffett McGraw; Charles Barkley during March Madness (jack-asses); Foul to end UVA/Auburn game. It is no secret that I love college basketball and March (into April) is my favorite time of the year watching all the college games. There were some great, close games and Charles Barkley has become one of my favorite commentators. But this year I fell for the pissed off diatribe by Muffett McGraw. If you missed it, no worries -- here is a link (with subtitles)!
https://nowthisnews.com/videos/sports/notre-dame-coach-muffet-mcgraw-on-the-gender-gap
What was the most awesome about this, is sometimes my love of sports seems to be at odds with my advocacy for equal opportunities for girls and women (there is a fair bit of misogyny in sports) ... so having Muffett bring it all together was awesome.
And I do kibbitz with the misogynysts .... while also setting aside time for interviews advancing the narrative of equality. Like this one -- which I did kind of cheat by posting on Linked In.
http://features.wgbhnews.org/
The Masters & Tiger, Dad narrative. Not sure a story could capture the many conflicting feelings I have experienced this Lent quite as well as Tiger's epic win at the Masters on Palm Sunday. For most of my life, Sundays meant Mass, then a family meal. When my Dad was first diagnosed with stomach cancer, I remember that in addition to feeling very scared and sad I felt profound gratitude that I had found a way to work from 'home' (meaning the Berkshires/North Adams area) for most of my adult life so that my daughters and I had so many Sundays and days of family time. On Palm Sunday and the final day of the Masters, I found myself back on the farm, and meeting my mom for church. For the first time in weeks, I struggled at Mass missing my Dad. Nothing I could really put my finger on. Then, when arriving home to watch the final day of the Masters, I realized how much I would have loved to watch it with my Dad. And, when Tiger won and he attempted to explain how it felt to share that moment as a Dad, having experienced his first Masters as a son and sharing it with his Dad, well .... yeah, I could relate. And to make it a truly "Swift Family" experience, the most "Swift" of my girls, Lauren, engaged in a heated discussion with me as to whether it was appropriate to route for a (her word) "cheater" and then whether golfers are really high-performance athletes. I suspect she thought I was annoyed at her strongly disagreeing with my (clearly correct) position but actually, it was exactly how I spent so many hours with my Dad. As he would have loved to say, "Time marches on, the circle of life continues ..." or something equally over-stated and epically corny. I could not have guessed how much I would miss those habits which so annoyed me.
Mad Dog & college acceptances/admissions. Speaking of my time spent with the guys and sports .... I do love my addiction to Sirius XM Mad Dog Sports! Mostly I am a "FAL" with the Morning Men but I have been putting a ton of driving miles in lately and that brought the fun afternoon listening to Mad Dog Chris Russo going off on every school that waitlisted or rejected his daughter in a fashion every single parent I know would love to do but probably wouldn't dare! (His daughter is going to Notre Dame in the end so she did just fine! But many tears in process). One of my motivations for being 'off' social media this Lent was that it was the twins Senior Spring. As I have told just about anyone who would listen (in person, of course) -- there are lots of stages where being a mom/parent of twins is actually easier. Senior Year admissions cycle would not be one of them. In the end, both my girls are exceedingly happy with their final choice and didn't have the type of heart-wrenching days and weeks Mad Dog shared and so many of our friends suffered through. But I also can't stand the insufferables. And really hope not to be one. In the shadow of the whole "Varsity Blues" scandal I think all of us who are parents of kids getting great K-12 educations need to take a deep breath and get a little perspective. And that is really what Lent was supposed to be about for me. I did better some days than others.
Hannah B. in Boston & Bachelor Finale(s) I missed blogging with my friends and was thrilled that I was 'recognized' at my real-life friend, Heather's dad's services to be recognized -- by a Bachelor Facebook friend! Can't wait for May 13th and the next season of the Bachelorette, especially knowing there are Boston and New England scenes!
Paul Quinn College President presentation at ASU/GSV. Speaking of colleges and work, I saw a truly transformational college President speak about the work he is doing at a work conference. His goal is to end poverty and he is attacking it at an Historically Black College with some down right counter-cultural initiatives (at least for higher education) -- limiting tuition to 15,000 a year (and therefore limiting the amount families can borrow for college). Putting aside two days a week for work -- because he has "observed that money ends poverty". And much more like that. I hope his plans to scale are successful.
What I found really interesting when I went back to see what I had kept in my notes is that I would absolutely have posted more than seven or eight times over the last forty days but there were only eight or so events that I really felt compelled to address in this mega wrap up. And, it was fascinating to me that while to some these events may seem like a fairly eclectic mish-mash of topics, they actually represent the major themes of what I value in my life. Advancing the opportunities and leveling the playing field for women and girls. My professional work that has been focused on education as the best route to opportunity and the profound impact of higher education in that formula. The continued importance of sports in my life -- for the enjoyment they have always brought to me as a fan, but probably because of the great impact they had on forming my character as a young athlete. And, the healing power of friends even when the connections are around silly reality television, laughter with family and friends really is the best medicine. And the over-arching, seminal importance of family & faith.
Also of interest? As much as I missed Social Media -- I didn't go right back to it on Easter Morning. I posted one (not very good) picture on Instagram and cross posted to FB and Twitter before church. I never looked at Facebook till late this afternoon. I have not yet looked at Twitter. I think partly it is that I have established new patterns. But also I am a little afraid to get sucked back in and lose any grace and perspective I may have gained over these last weeks. Because I can think of as many things about social media that I didn't miss as what I did miss .....
The biggest takeaway from my terrible, awful, challenging winter? I truly am blessed. I have meaningful work, an abundance of family and friends, the most supportive husband, really, really good kids, and a faith that I continue to work on to insure I am grateful for all that I have been given. Because, to those whom much is given, much is expected.
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