One of the things I have struggled with as a high profile working mom is how to balance giving inspiration to younger women with not creating the type of unreal expectations that have been born from social media and created too much pressure on our kids and us. Early in my networking and speaking at women's events I started to notice that working moms and successful moms were so grateful to find fellow travelers that even on stages we would fall into a pattern of 'one upping' each other with stories of the worst insults and challenges that had happened to us. It was starting to occur to me that we were indulging in some much needed therapy but scaring the shit out of the young women in the audience.
That point was really driven home to me at a particular professional dinner a few years later. I can't even totally remember the event. But I was seated next to a successful doctor and you won't be surprised that I have become quite skilled at these big banquets at engaging total strangers in conversation. (My mother is actually extraordinary at this so it may be inherited.) This gentleman began to speak with me about his daughter, who he shared was only a few years younger than me and finishing her residency in medicine. Then he confided that he wanted to ask my advice on something rather sensitive and did not want to offend me. I kiddingly reminded him that every insult in the book had been written about me on the front page of the papers so I doubted he was going to be able to hurt my feelings. And he said something to the effect of, "My daughter has seen so many working mothers like you and your peers and she doesn't want to be you. She and her friends have come to the conclusion that at some point they just have to make a choice: career or family. Is that true?" So, he didn't hurt my feelings (it is highly unlikely he remembers this conversation and as I don't remember who he is I have no idea if we even have any contact any more! but just in case he reads this ...)
Obviously, that conversation had a profound impact on me. It kind of stopped me in my tracks. And from then on I have tried really, really hard in my public and private conversations with young women to make sure I always share the 'good' parts with them. All of this started before social media, of course. And for darn sure on Instagram and Facebook I transmit a very glossy view of family and work life. I know that there is still a lot of instruction on fact v. opinion in elementary school and I think we might need to start teaching a new aspect of illusion versus reality. Meaning, I don't lie on social media -- so I am factual. BUT, by largely choosing to show the positive and admirable aspects 99.9% of the time I create an illusion of family life that is not an exact replica of reality -- and I expect most folks get that. And when I often use the well worn line: "I believe I was a better Governor because I was a mother and I know I am a better mother because I was a Governor," I absolutely believe it. And, I hope that my daughters will find rewarding careers that fulfill them and of course one day -- quite a few years from now! -- I hope they will make me a grandaughter.
But -- we have seen that sharing the challenges that women face in the workforce and candid discussion about how they have dealt with it has brought some progress and even, in the political realm in 2018 a fair amount of momentum to women's involvement in politics. So as we head into the Thanksgiving season when some of my most high profile issues burst onto the political and work/life scene nineteen years ago, I am thinking about sharing some of what I learned in posts in the coming days. That, I guess is a teaser. I expect if Stacey or Jenn are still checking these I should be getting a text message soon. :)
That point was really driven home to me at a particular professional dinner a few years later. I can't even totally remember the event. But I was seated next to a successful doctor and you won't be surprised that I have become quite skilled at these big banquets at engaging total strangers in conversation. (My mother is actually extraordinary at this so it may be inherited.) This gentleman began to speak with me about his daughter, who he shared was only a few years younger than me and finishing her residency in medicine. Then he confided that he wanted to ask my advice on something rather sensitive and did not want to offend me. I kiddingly reminded him that every insult in the book had been written about me on the front page of the papers so I doubted he was going to be able to hurt my feelings. And he said something to the effect of, "My daughter has seen so many working mothers like you and your peers and she doesn't want to be you. She and her friends have come to the conclusion that at some point they just have to make a choice: career or family. Is that true?" So, he didn't hurt my feelings (it is highly unlikely he remembers this conversation and as I don't remember who he is I have no idea if we even have any contact any more! but just in case he reads this ...)
Obviously, that conversation had a profound impact on me. It kind of stopped me in my tracks. And from then on I have tried really, really hard in my public and private conversations with young women to make sure I always share the 'good' parts with them. All of this started before social media, of course. And for darn sure on Instagram and Facebook I transmit a very glossy view of family and work life. I know that there is still a lot of instruction on fact v. opinion in elementary school and I think we might need to start teaching a new aspect of illusion versus reality. Meaning, I don't lie on social media -- so I am factual. BUT, by largely choosing to show the positive and admirable aspects 99.9% of the time I create an illusion of family life that is not an exact replica of reality -- and I expect most folks get that. And when I often use the well worn line: "I believe I was a better Governor because I was a mother and I know I am a better mother because I was a Governor," I absolutely believe it. And, I hope that my daughters will find rewarding careers that fulfill them and of course one day -- quite a few years from now! -- I hope they will make me a grandaughter.
But -- we have seen that sharing the challenges that women face in the workforce and candid discussion about how they have dealt with it has brought some progress and even, in the political realm in 2018 a fair amount of momentum to women's involvement in politics. So as we head into the Thanksgiving season when some of my most high profile issues burst onto the political and work/life scene nineteen years ago, I am thinking about sharing some of what I learned in posts in the coming days. That, I guess is a teaser. I expect if Stacey or Jenn are still checking these I should be getting a text message soon. :)
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